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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052220">There is no Coming Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aahhhaaaa/pseuds/Aahhhaaaa'>Aahhhaaaa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Death, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Swearing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:07:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,498</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aahhhaaaa/pseuds/Aahhhaaaa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Was all your greed and glory really worth it?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Micah Bell/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>There is no Coming Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This took me so long</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You had been with the Van der Linde gang for a couple years now and in the beginning, when you first joined, it was nice. You had a chance to calm down, let the hot trail the law was on die out, and let yourself live a peaceful life but now you were tired of it. You were missing, craving, the feeling of adrenaline coursing and rushing through your bones as you raced your horse through whirling bullets as a heavy stack of cash sat heavy on your shoulder. </p><p>You missed that feeling of walking into a town and claiming it as yours only to leave weeks later after leaving broken homes and empty banks. </p><p>You missed the feeling of a heavy cigar on your lip as you counted your stolen money at an open camp with your dog cuddled up to you. </p><p>You missed the way you sported a sick grin as your silver spurs jingled when you walked down an empty dirt street that had your bounty posters plastered across every building as you prepared to gun down the sad lawman that made the mistake to challenge you to a duel.</p><p>But you had been too arrogant, to greedy, and you couldn't rob every bank or murder every man that dared cross you and the law knew that and hunted you down like bloodhounds after a sick fox.</p><p>Then you had found salvation in the form of gamblers, robbers, and corrupt men; Men like you and all they asked for was your undying loyalty and you had desperately given it to them. </p><p>And so you were a Van Der Linde.</p><p>But now years later you were nothing but another body, the age of outlaws was dying out, and you were no longer needed. You were stuck in camp doing chores or anything you could in your spare time just to get time to pass. You felt pitiful; You wanted to scream, you wanted your knuckles bloody, you wanted your body to heave with power, you wanted to feel unstoppable again, you wanted anything but this domestic life. </p><p>Then he came around and oh how he reeked havoc. Micah Bell, tall, blonde, and greedy. He was mean and cruel and oh how you loved it. You loved how somebody actually gave you a reason to fight, that let you spit fire from your mouth, and let you show off how good you actually were with your guns without repercussions. He didn't underestimate you, he taunted and pushed you and didn't treat you like glass and was exactly what you wanted.</p><p>To say the least, you fell hard. Those vicious fights now had hidden flirts, and everytime you looked into his breath-taking blue eyes there was a sense of mutual yearning, and everytime Micah saw you murder a man leaving you a bloody mess you had a feeling he that he wanted to do nothing more then ravish you right there and then.</p><p>Then one night you two were sitting by a small fire aways away from camp, waiting for the the law to give up on your ghost trail, when his lips were finally on yours. The empty bottle of whiskey layed forgotten as you finally got to feel his body on yours, how his hips moved harshly against yours, and how his hands felt in your hair. </p><p>And that's how it went, every urge and every desire you had for each was let loose but despite that nobody in camp knew and Micah wanted to keep it that why for he did not love you. </p><p>The first time you had told him it was early in the morning, your bodies were tangled together, and the way the early rays of sunshine struck his face left you awestruck, he looked ethereal with the way his blonde hair cascaded over his sweaty face, and the gentle rythm of his his chest rising and falling, panting lighty had caused you to let those words loose without you even meaning to. </p><p>Micah didn't reciprocate those feelings or atleast he pretended not to and that first night you told him you had cried yourself asleep but after that you pressed your feelings. Every stolen kiss and every drunken dance you'd tell but he'd continue to sleep with other women and blantly ignore you some days and you hated it. You hated how he made you feel and there was nothing you could do. </p><p>One night however, after the Blackwater incident and after Micah escaped his hanging on Strawberry, he had drunkenly stumbled into your tent, waking you up. You sat up and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes as you saw micah drop the bottle he was currently drinking. He was looking at you like a man who had just seen god and it had confused you especially after you heard him sniffle.</p><p>"Micah what's going on?" Your sleep heavy voice rang out in the dead silence of the night. Micah replied with nothing only more sniffles, it was then you had realized he was crying as he tried to drunkenly take off his jacket, boots and belt. You were about to say more but then he had crawled into your cot and buried his head in your chest as his body wrapped around you.</p><p>"I love you so much, I love you and your going to hate me and leave me just like every other woman I loved has" his grip on you tighted as sobs wracked through his body "you're going to leave me just like my Ma did... I don't want you to hate me" you barely heard the last few words Micah said his voice having been completely taken over by his sadness. So you held him, you held him tight through it all and reassured him you'd never leave ,that neither of you would leave each, and even though Micah tried to fight you on the subject he let you hold him, he let you run your fingers through his hair and rub soothing circles against his back until his sobs quieted and until he fell asleep.</p><p>The next morning, despite being at camp, Micah had made love to you like he never had before, he was open and vulnerable and with every roll of his hips against yours he praised you with I love yous which you returned back with equally returned love. </p><p>As the weeks rolled into months, having to flee to more and more places, more and more members were dwindling out, and the danger kept rising, yet you kept your promise to Micah despite every warning your fellow camp members gave you. Then Beaver Hallow happened. You knew that one day this gang would be ripped apart by the law and everyone would be met with nooses and so when Micah ripped the gang apart, despite all the deaths and misery, as you watched Micah beat Arthur, you had found that this was a better alternative than what the law would do, atleast in this scenario almost every one made it out.</p><p>Now you were here, years later, your hair was grey and your face was wrinkled and you were so fucking cold. You had promised yourself all those years ago that you'd never go back to the god damn mountains yet Micah and Dutch insisted that this was the perfect place to lay low. <br/>So now here you were outside freezing your ass off on guard duty with the your men when you suddenly felt a bullet go deep into your stomach. You heard the panicked cries of your men and gunshots all around when the world finally went dark.</p><p>Opening your eyes, you were on your back, looking up at the sky, your ears were still ringing and it hurt to breath. You heard distant shouting and a final gunshot. Turning your head you saw Micah looking at you with all the love and adoration you could muster in that moment before he collapsed. You heard somebody scream, and you could only assume it was you with how heavy the pain in your heart sat as your world faded to black once again; your golden band around your finger glistening peacefully under the sun.</p><p>When you awoke agian you were alone in a hospital room. You stared heavily at ceiling as the guilt of all your crimes and atrocities crashed over you followed shortly by the groundbreaking grief of your husbands death. The pain the bullet wound left you was nothing compared to everything you felt in your heart. You brought your hands up to your eyes as loud sobs wracked through your body. Curling up into your side you held yourself as you let yourself grieve, if you had know when you were 15 that killing that drunken man behind that shitty saloon would lead you to this you would have never done it.</p><p>You had loved greed and power to much and look where it's lead you.</p>
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